Well hi, there, 2014.

I’ve neglected this blog for ages, only posting the odd recipe or cheeky infographic now and then.  I just got a bit caught up with bits and bobs before Christmas that have kept me away.

I’m working a bit these days.  Doing some freelance social media management for a gelateria near where I live.  I enjoy it.  I’d forgotten how much I like working, and working for myself and being able to set my own hours has been a nice way to ease myself back  into it.  Elliot likes it, too.  He comes with me most of the time, gets played with and is given ice cream to eat.  I am not certain it gets much better for a little chap. 

I’m fairly disgusted with my figure at the moment.  I go to a legs, bums and tums class, and I do a fair bit of walking, but I still look in the mirror and see the “winter coat” I’ve put on since November and it makes me want to cry a little.  Admittedly I have stopped 5:2, and my diet is terrible at the moment.  Too much coffee and biscuits, and not enough movement.  I keep telling myself I’ll do better, but I never do.  What I really need to do is go to the gym and eat better.  What I would love is someone to come with me for motivational purposes. 

I told myself this post wouldn’t turn into a body shaming rant, but it has, because I feel disgusting and ugly, and that kind of leads me on to the other reason I’ve been quiet. 

This year I’ve really suffered with SAD and have not been in a good place mentally. I used to think SAD was a cop-out, but it’s definitely 100% not.  This has been the worst I’ve felt for months – since I stopped taking the happy pills.  I hated pretty much every day of the Christmas holidays.  I slept in til after midday most days, finding no reason to even get out of bed.  I was exhausted all the time, and irritable – I found pretty much no joy in anything.  I looked in the mirror and saw properly dead eyes, my light had gone out.  I couldn’t even muster up the energy to cry, until I could, and then I couldn’t stop.  

And I did what I always do when I am depressed; I shut people out and I yelled at my children and my husband and I curled up into a ball on my sofa and raged at everything whilst leaving everything because when you feel low, even putting on a load of washing or unloading the dishwasher feels like a gargantuan task that you don’t even know how to begin to do.  I ended up calling my mother and sobbing hysterically at her that I couldn’t cope and she came over and helped out and bought me a SAD lamp, and then the sun came out again (literally, that ain’t no metaphor) and things began to feel better.  I have the lamp on when I am working.  It’s so bright you can’t really look directly at it without risking retinal damage, but it definitely helps.  I really need light. 

I’m not totally better, but I’m getting there.  And I never again will scoff at people feeling low in the winter, because having SAD is absolutely fucking hideous.

So it’s been a bit of a mixed bag lately.  

I’ll be back again soon.  I think I just needed to kick myself into gear and actually write.  Bite the bullet, so to speak.  Perhaps I’ll bite another one and go to the gym soon.  

Maybe.

Snow Day

snowman

This morning, I was just getting ready to get Roo to school.  I’d made her lunch, she’d snarfed down some toast with chocolate spread, her teeth had been brushed and her uniform was on.  I looked at my phone to find a text from the school:

SCHOOL WILL BE CLOSED TODAY. PRE-SCHOOL AND THE JUNIOR SCHOOL WILL ALSO BE CLOSED.

Oh, the possibilities.  Half an hour later we got a message from our friends from up the road, asking if we wanted to go over for snow fun and warm drinks.

Yes please! These friends are FUN! We always enjoy ourselves when we spend time together – we even went on holiday together in the summer.  So midmorning, we bundled ourselves up, and trundled up to their house, chucking the odd snowball at each other on the way.  Roo found a patch of fresh, untouched snow far too tempting not to lie down in and make a snow angel.

DSC_0071

Nice chatter, nice biscuits and chai latte.  Just what is needed before heading out for a snowball fight. 

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