This afternoon, I got an email from a fellow blogger. Someone who I’d never talked to before, but who wanted to pick my brains on a couple of blog-related questions and so had sent me a message through my contact form. Her blog is a different niche to mine, a different writing style and different content. It wasn’t a big deal, in fact, it was interesting. I like discovering new blogs. I looked over hers and fired back an email answering her questions.
But something bothered me about her email, and that was that she said she’d contacted some other bloggers who had been unkind. It bothered me because a while ago I had done the same thing. I’d wanted some advice and had gone to someone, relatively well known in her blogging circles, and had received nothing back. Not even a quick, “thanks, but I am really busy” message. I did think for a while it may have gone to spam, until I remembered that when I contacted her about sponsorship, she’d been on it like a bonnet. I have to say, it’s really put me off her blog.
Is this where we are at now? Is it really too much trouble to send an email? Or dispense a little bit of advice or opinion when it’s asked? Or share a little bit of knowledge to help someone along? Why the need to be snooty about it?
Were we not all at one point new bloggers? I am certain people very rarely, if ever, hit the ground running with a beautiful layout and spectacular stats and posts that everyone comments on and shares around. In my experience it tends to be more of a slow burner.
Or am I wrong? Is this whole blogging lark just a massive competition to see who ranks highest and gets the most google hits/free stuff/invites to events? Is it not cool to share what we know to like minded folk who we share a common interest with? Are we all in it for ourselves? Am I doing it all wrong?
I really hope not, but do enlighten me.
Well, here’s The INEXPERT take on it honey … I’m in it cos I’m in it. If someone can share some pearls of wisdom, I’ll take ‘em, equally, if I have hit on something they haven’t, I will SHARE that.
I think blogging should be like life (should be), GIVE and TAKE. Mwah.
Dee recently posted..It’s just another Handmade Monday – woah-oh-woah
Yes! This entirely.
I think it just shows people for what they really are..and nothing to do with how long they’ve been blogging or whether they’re ‘big’ bloggers – some are helpful, some are not, some will only do something for you if there’s something in it for themselves – that’s life unfortunately – but it makes it easier for us to ignore them back when they want us for something!
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It really does, and you’re right. I just will always try to be nice and kind. It takes a lot to ask for help and snubbing is not chic!
Steph i totally get what you are saying. I believe you get out of life what you put in. i think any blogger who wont make time to even say they cannot help due to time constraints, is not the sharing and caring kind. Why wouldn’t they want to pass on some of their knowledge and wisdom ? i expect they had some guidance at some point in their blogging career.
this is meant to be a community of like minded people and i think a little goes a long way.
you continue being nice and dont let a minority bring you down.
xx
jenny paulin recently posted..Jelly Lollies
Thanks Jenny. I intend to :)
Oh Steph. I totally get your rant… I have to say I’ve asked a few other bloggers for help in my short blogging life, one of them being you! and they all responded really kindly and took the time to help me. Since then I’ve been asked by other mummy bloggers, how I got this contact or if I could pass on the name of a contact etc and I am always kind and reply. I really don’t like to think of it as one big competition :( I still believe that the majority of bloggers are kind and helpful but it is sad that some reach a point where they don’t even have the courtesy to reply. I agree with Jen though – continue being nice! I just posted a new blog post – Kindness is power :) xxxx
mummylish recently posted..Kindness is power – International Day of the Girl
The majority of us are definitely friendly and nice, and I can honestly say out of everyone I’ve met at events and conferences etc, 99% have been delightful.
I think if you’re super busy and don’t have time (or inclination) to help, then that’s ok, just don’t be a dick about it.
One of the first thing I met with as a parent was utter indifference from other parents, so I pretty much got through the disappointment pretty early. I fought and kicked my way through to find a few moms and dads over the years who I could actually communicate with the way I thought everyone with kids was “supposed” to.
So do you think I was disappointed when the same was true of other bloggers and various shared-interest people that I met online after I started writing regularly? You’d think I’d have a thicker skin, but it really got to me at first when I wouldn’t get replies from more experienced bloggers let alone any kind of mentions, comments, RTs, etc. It really took a lot less time to get over it, though, because you’re right… it’s a long, slow process to the “top” for most people. I just think of it as that they are just too busy with their legions of loyal followers to ever find the time to respond back or hit the RT button every once in a while. But the sad truth is just that some people are just hypocritical jerks and that’s the way life is. Quality, not quantity, anyway IMHO, although both would be nice.
When we started our site, it was at the same time as one that I got to watch blow up right in front of me while mine just grew a couple of followers at a time. Of course, I went from being pretty active with them to “mostly ignored” to “disappeared.” I only realized after the fact that I was “mostly ignored” by them all along anyway. The friends I’ve made that have seen moderate to “pretty successful” growth are ones that actually do care and respond. At *least* 50% of the time.
Thanks for the post. Needed the balance!
Phil recently posted..Children’s Music Rocks
Thank you for your comment. It does seem like we’ve all been there, which is a little disappointing, but not really unexpected.
Like I said to Mummylish, if you have no time, fair enough, but there is no need to make another blogger who is asking for help feel like crap.
I feel the same as you. I’d be honoured if someone asked for help from me. I think life is about sharing not oneupmanship and maybe I’m naive on thinking that’s what post people are like. I have asked some really experienced bloggers for help & only ever had one person ignore my request. I just put it down to them being busy & moved on!
Well done you for writing this post. Treat people how you’d like to be treated, I live by that moto!
J
Mummysknee recently posted..Silent Sunday – 7th October 2012
It’s a good motto to live by. I don’t think you’re being naive, and I think most of us are generally helpful and friendly and are pleased when we see our peers do well at something. There are always a few though, right?! ;-D
No I think you are right and the people who don’t help out (or, as you say, even respond) are the ones who have it all wrong. Not that it’s ever happened to me, but I’d be really pleased to share anything I could to help/encourage someone else. And if it’s tricky because of time pressure/children in meltdown etc, it’s only common courtesy (and takes no time) to send a quick email explaining that this is the case.
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Yeah, and I think anyone would understand that. Generally blogging is something we do in our free time for fun, and you wouldn’t make someone feel stupid or cheeky for asking for help with any other hobby.
I think it comes down to the fact that there is the internet to hide behind, and its easy to ignore an email or a tweet, and easy to say things to someone you wouldn’t necessarily say to their faces.
This seems to be the case not just in blogging but in life! We have forgotten how to be kind to each other I think. And isn’t it a FACT that the more you give to people the more you get?! I bet those who do reach out and help others also get plenty back in return and are happier for it :)
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I’ll tell you what, I was honoured and flattered someone had emailed me. Being able to help was a good feeling.
Glad that you’re kind!
I used to have a blog about my work and would receive loads of emails about others looking to go into the same thing. I always reply. I think if someone’s taken the time to write to you, then it definitely warrents a reply! X
Little miss recently posted..Twitter Playground
Agreed, even if it is just to apologise for not being able to help.
Blogging is definitely a slow burning thing, and ongoing.
I’ve been lucky enough to receive help from a few people and I’ve always been so grateful. I hope I’d give the same back. xx
Emma @mummymummymum recently posted..Messy Duplo Play
This is a difficult one because, for me, it really IS about time. I love my blog and I love being part of the blogging community, but I literally don’t always have time to answer comments or get as involved as I’d like. I work LONG hours (have to get up at 3.30am), have a beautifully demanding toddler (aren’t they all?!) and rarely get more than 5 hours sleep a night. So sometimes I have to switch off my computer and leave the inbox. Kindness is important – and I always try to help with advice if I have any to offer in ANY walk of life – but sometimes I find I have to be selfish with my time too. It’s a self preservation thing. That said, if someone emailed asking for advice, I would always reply – it may just not be instant.
Molly – Mother’s Always Right recently posted..The story of the elephant
I’m sure I’m guilty of having not replied to someone who’s asked me for help about blogging, sometimes. Almost certainly, something went to spam, or I read it and thought, “Oh, I’ll try and reply to that later” and it just got forgotten. Or I may tweet something, go off to do something else, come back half an hour later and miss a couple of responses.
Maybe people think that’s me being unkind, or snooty, or whatever. But in reality, I’m a single Mum and my job involves huge quantities of information being fired at me daily. I think as much as you want people to be kind to you, there’s maybe some mileage in being kind to them and giving someone the benefit of the doubt before writing them off as rude or unkind.
From my perspective, there are some things you can do to make life easier for someone if you’re going to ask their advice and you know they’re busy.
Tweet them – ask if it’s a good day to get in touch, as you’ve got some questions you’d like to ask. Some days I’m a lot more up against it than others, and I can tell you that your email is going to get lost among the 700 or so I receive each day.
When you email, be specific about what you’d like to know. “Do you have any tips for a new blogger” doesn’t give me a lot to go on, whereas “Do you have any advice on how I can get more readers?” is a bit easier.
Email a person specifically, don’t include them on a BCCd list of everyone you know in blogging and start the email with, “I really respect your opinion…”. If you can’t be faffed to email me personally, why should I take time out of my day to reply? Similarly, don’t use a contact form on a website, dig out the person’s email address and contact them directly if you possibly can.
If someone does respond, take 2 minutes to say thanks. I have a long list of people in my head where I’ve replied to those emails asking for sometimes very detailed and specific information and then never had the courtesy to say thanks. Doesn’t make me inclined to help them again in future!
Sally recently posted..The Mummy Question
Thanks for your comment Sally. You make some excellent points *doffs cap*
I really like the idea of tweeting someone before getting in touch, I hadn’t thought of that, but if I ever need help with anything I’ll employ that.
Oh yes, it happened to me when I was quite new with a well known blogger. I assumed maybe she was super busy but when I met her a month later at an event she simply said ‘Oh I know you you emailed me asking my advice about something’ and then literally turned around and blanked me – in front of a group of other experienced bloggers at my first event. I was mortified and yes it has stuck with me as a reminder that even if you are busy it just takes 30 seconds to say ‘I’m really sorry but I’m just so busy at the moment’… People understand if someone’s busy, it’s the ignoring or rudeness that upsets folk.
And Sally is the exception to the rule as she is just daftly busy :)
Mammasaurus recently posted..An evening with Mummy Barrow
Rude! And unnecessarily so. THAT is what I take issue with.
Luckily, I’ve only emailed one blogger for help before. I had a bad problem with my feed and was in a real panic. I had tried everything to rectify the problem and was stuck. The blogger I asked for help was fantastic and sorted out the problem for me. I know she is a busy lady but she went out of her way to help me fix my blog and was really lovely about it.
I have heard stories about more experienced bloggers being a bit stand- offish before though and I think its really unfair as they were beginners once too and probably have had to ask for assistance at some point in the past.
Mama Syder recently posted..Buying Used Clothing – Thrifty Fashion Finds
For me, it all comes back to ‘treat others as you wish to be treated yourself’ in blogging and in life :)
Lady Briggs recently posted..The Gallery – Yellow
ditto!
Oh crap, I hope I’ve never done that to anyone. However, I almost certainly have, to someone, at some point, and never intentionally. Things just get busy, and as Sally said, sometimes I think I’ll come back to an email and answer it properly later when I have more time, and then it gets buried in 300 more emails and I forget. Honestly, you should see the size of my inbox. Since the MADs I get so many press releases and general review requests that if I answered them to say no, I don’t have time, it’d be bedtime before I got round to doing any work. I never knew it could get so crazy, and so I thought this about bloggers before, and I don’t any more.
I’m actually really worried about coming across as arrogant, just because I have won something, and have some more people engaging with me. I try really hard to respond to all the comments on my blog, and go and visit my commenters blogs, but in reality I know some of them just slip through the net, and I know those people must think badly of me. I hate that because I would love to spend all day helping people and being totally fair, but I just can’t. Does that make me terrible? God it does – if I read what I’ve just written I’d think “arrogant cow”. Aaaarrrrgh!! *sets alarm for 3am*
Actually Mummy… recently posted..Wot So Funee? The Family Chortlequaffer: an Epic Straws production
And now I’m replying again, because I forgot to subscribe to comments, and I really want to remember to come back and read everyone’s point of view…
Actually Mummy… recently posted..Wot So Funee? The Family Chortlequaffer: an Epic Straws production
Bloody hell I forgot again! Someone get me a PA who’ll work for biscuits!
Actually Mummy… recently posted..Wot So Funee? The Family Chortlequaffer: an Epic Straws production
Having met you a few times I can honestly say you don’t come across as arrogant at all.
Is it bad that I think it’s a bit different for brands and press releases and review opps? I kind of think they email so many people that they will expect to not hear back from some people. I reckon if a fellow blogger emailed you asking for help or advice you wouldn’t ignore them, right?!
*sneakily emails you to check* << joke.
Well, for what it’s worth, I have found bloggers to be charming and generous with their help on the whole. I would not necessarily hope for or expect a response to a direct request, but then again, I have a background in journalism and am used to being completely blanked by commissioning editors who are too busy to press reply and the words ‘not for us, thank you!’
I too have had this happen to me. I wasn’t really asking for advice but just generally complimenting someone on their blog, had one reply and then she failed to reply to anything else again. As far as I’m aware she also blocked me as well as unfollowing. There really is no need for it, like you say, if you don’t have time just say so.
I’m not really a new blogger, I started in January, have hardly any followers and have done one review in all this time, but it doesn’t bother me because I don’t see it as a competition. My blog is my space and its personal so I don’t fight for ratings.
Very well said I say! I think more ‘experienced’ an well known bloggers should take note. As you say, they were all newbies once!
Misty recently posted..The Gallery – Yellow
Phew! I read all the comments and now I’m not sure where to start…
Yes I know how you feel. There were times when I was helped lots and I hope that I always said thanks in return.
More recently – the last 6 months or so maybe I felt ignored and sometimes my questions or my remarks are never answered. Sometimes it happened from people I care and I thought they were close…
But then I realised something else. Blogging is so much like life in general. It is impossible to be friend with everybody or to make everybody answer your questions.
Now I know the people I trust and the people that care no matter what. I learned my lessons.
Big hugs
Xxx
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